It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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