so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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