Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
