Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize