His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
