OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
