I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
