I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
