I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
