First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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