I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize