the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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