He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just blew my weed a kiss
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize