now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
my liver is dry heaving
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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