i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
