A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
