where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
