Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
