end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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