I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She told me I should be a condom model.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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