No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
