My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
