i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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