she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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