Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
