I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
