i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
