Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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