last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
