I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
