I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
