I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
