dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
