Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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