I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
