Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
