I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
