I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
