Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
