I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
