I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
