I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
