like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
