I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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