I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Reggie can tackle my bush.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize