Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize