One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
