Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
