I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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