chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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