so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
