Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
