Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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