Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize