Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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