At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
