I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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