Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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