just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
