My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
