Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
