I'm so fucking centered right now
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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