Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
