google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
