One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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