i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
