I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
