Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
