She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
