Non-Jews are for practice
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
