a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this boner is exhausting
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
