I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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