At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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