I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Its about making memories worth repressing
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
