So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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