i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
