can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
