i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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