im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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