is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
