oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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