Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
