Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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